Joana Saahirah Diary:
Cairo, the 21st of April, 2008
Beautiful return to work! More than the success and the audience´s
reation to my performances tonight, what REALLY left me happy was the
tenderness and the touching welcome I received from everybody who
works in the "Pharaohs"! Human treasures are always much more
important to me than professional or finantial ones. These are the
ones who fill your soul and make you feel loved, respected and wanted.
I was welcomed with open arms
and true tenderness by
the all staff (managers, staff, cleaning service people, singers,
everybody!) and that made my night!
Perfomed on 4 shows in a row and that left my feet hurt and sore, it
always takes a while until the muscles and the feet get used to the
intensity of the work. Achievements of the night relating to my
performances (I always point the flaws, so I might as well point the
good stuff once in a while, right?)
* Danced relaxed and not worrying at all if I was doing everything
right or if I was impressing anyone. From that state of relaxation,
BEAUTIFUL things arise and so they did tonight…wish someone was
filming…(GOT to get someone to come and film the shows, for God sake!)
* Wore a lot less make up than usual cause I had no time to make the
full make up and I actually felt better and lighter.My face gets that
"baby" expression which doesn´t go so well with the image people have
from an Oriental dancer but I actually found it to be better so i´m
going for it from now on…
* Tried new things, stoped to just listen to the music while on stage
and breathed deeply in the middle of the whole ecstasy between me and
the audience and that´s a great achievement because it´s so difficult
to be aware of the music, dancing, audience, relaxation state and deep
breathing at the same time…I felt like Shiva, surrounded by many arms
that could reach different worlds by themselves…felt POWERFUL!
* Used my emotional baggage to enhance my dance and looked some people
in the eyes (not men, though…they always get it wrong! Just looked in
women´s and alien´s eyes, NOT men!)…felt less fear to do it and was
brave enough to be vulnerable and share – indirectly- my emotions,
joys and sadness with the audience.
* Felt proud of myself.That´s thew best one!
After work, went out with a friend for a tea – when do you start to
DRINK, they always ask!- because I only drink tea, water or natural
juices so…it doesn´t leave much to the imagination…had lots of fun,
although I was terribly tired.He came to see me perform and was
shocked. Why is it that my friends and close people who met me outside
of my work perimeter never believe I can REALLY dance until they see
me?! Do I look like a bad dancer? Is there something on my face which
indicates I´m a terrible dancer and I can´t even hear a note?!!!
My friend was astonished and shocked after I performed and he even
related with me in a different way (I wonder what he though while
seeing me dance…besides what he admited to me after that…) and made me
feel even prouder of myself with his gentle compliments. For someone
so insecure as me, any positive feed-back is a gift! Thanks, John!
Cairo, the 20th April, 2008
Mahmoud Reda´s class at Pyramisa during Oriental Dance festival of
Nile group.
Speaking about Mahmoud Reda is always an amotional experience for me.
He´s not only my teacher but my master in so many subjects, my
grandfather, my inspiration, best friend and example of what a
creative, true artist should be. Did I mention he´s almost eighty
years old and he´s working daily, creating new coreographies,
searching for answears and making constant questions about himself,
dance and life…he´s travelling all around the world teaching, giving
the example of an artist with honesty, humbleness and generosity and
also doing those funny remarks during classes that make me laugh out
loud, even when everybody else is too shy or intimidated to laugh on
Mahmoud´s presence… If I continue to describe Mahmoud Reda I´ll write
a book here so I better go straight to the point.
I got from Portugal and there were just three days left to the end of
the festival so I didn´t have much time to enjoy the classes as I
started working immediately and I´m moving to a new – another
temporary!Uff! – home and have so much on my head with work and new
things I want to do…visited the festival only for Mahmoud´s class and
went specially to see him! Got a great "bedleh" in the bazar, saw
friends from "Khan el Khalili" and enjoyed an extremely pleasureable
experience with Mahmoud, once more…
When I assist Mahmoud in a class, I usually prepare the coreographies
before the class so that I help him to teach it to the students but,
this time, I had no idea of what he was going to teach…I knew the song,
though…a great dueto with lebanese singers Yara and Fadl Shaker, love
song …so emotional!Totally my style of song.
Even though Mahmoud knew I didn´t know the coreography, he trusted me
enough to put on on the stage in front of everybody showing off the
coreography that I was learning for the first time as everybody
else.It has always happened like this…Mahmoud trusts me more than I
trust myself…I always think I can´t to it, I aim for perfection and am
terrified of failing or disappointing him and he just ignores my fears
and makes me feel like I´m the best dancer in the world, like "my way"
of doing his coreography is unique and extraordinary and that I CAN DO
EVERYTHING! How can I not LOVE Mahmoud?!!!
So there I was on stage in front of a room full of students looking at
me and Mahmoud in front of me, giving me all the trust in the world. I
did my best and succeeded, although the four hour class was a knock
out for me due ot the pressure of not knowing if I could remember all
the coreography to teach the girls…I must confess memorizing was never
my best asset. I enjoy understanding, loving, enjoying, doing the
interpretation of the music, dancing from the heart and using
technique as a way to build a heart connection with the song but
memorizing is boring for me…my homework, really…have to work on it and
I´m doing so…
It´s an effort to remember the coreography and not do my "own stuff"
when I feel I have to…discipline and self-control, that´s what it is
and I learned that fro Mahmoud.
Between some of the great things I learned from Mahmoud, here are some
of them that can help you as a dancer:
* Using your head as well as your heart when you dance.Know where you
are, not loose yourself ALL the time and forget that there´s a brain
working there, besides emotion and soul.
* Not using ALL the vocabulary in just a song, use what you know
wisely and in the right amounts making differences between songs (the
way you start, develop the song, finished it,etc!).
* Relax! Be confident! Tension- although it can give you the
impression of quality cause you´re making an effort to do "right" –
ruins the all picture and takes away so many qualities from the
oriental dance besides ruining the pure enjoyment of the music and
yourself.
* Study different styles of dance, it can only make your oriental
dance abilities improve.
* Do your "own" thing, don´t be afraid to try new things, be free to
create something from zero and shock other people´s perceptions.Always
be creative and never afraid to be "different"!
* Be humble enough to learn from everything, the good and the less
good, the big masters – like Gene Kelly whom I love because of Mahmoud!
– and the ones who are just looking for fame or even from the ones who
are just looking for themselves…be open to learning from any source.
Listen, watch, be ready to be surprised!
Is that enough?! There are too many things I could mention but then
again…there will be a book being written around here and I have no
time for it now…
I did my best, loved to dance with Mahmoud and with the students and
held myself very strongly when Mahmoud danced in front of me – he sit
me in his chair, in front of him and the whole class – and made me cry…what
a shame! Why on earth I laugh so easily and cry so easily?! It´s
embarassing and puts me in difficult situations.
I held my tears, felt so much tenderness for my teacher and best
friend and just enjoyed the experience as much as I could thanking God,
as always, for this gift.
Cairo, the 19th April, 2008
Cairo is pretty much the same as always.The heat has not attacked as I
expected, though…
After returning from the paradise of our home in Portugal with fresh,
clean air and silence it´s shocking to be back to chaos but I´ll
survive, as I always do.
One of the dance festivals done here in Egypt is ending and I didn´t
manage to attend any of the classes or a show.Miss having classes. As
I develop my own style and grow in the dance field, I feel the
necessity to absorb another influences and refresh myself with another
creativity sources besides my own…When I just visited Egypt, used to
make every class and now that I live here…well, it´s so rare to be
able to make a class…bad! No time, enough money to cover for all my
expenses, dance dresses and make up and stuff, too much on my mind too
and the truth is that what´s near becomes common and less attractive.
Today I´ll be , finally, start to attend yoga classes.This is an
urgent decision as the stress and tension here are too much to handle
for me. Peace of mind is more than necessary to face life´s challenges
here and dance –which was pure relaxation and therapy when I first
started to learn it – becomes much less of a relaxation to turn into …WORK!
RESPONSIBILITY! PERFECTIONISM! LOVE, for sure…therapy also but…not the
PURE evasion it used to be when I didn´t have to be the best and dance
professionaly. So many times, I miss not being a "professional",
dancing just for love, for myself and my own soul, not for money and
survival.It makes a huge difference and the challenge
Lisbon, the 15th April, 2008
Ready to returno to Cairo.Lots of new ideas and a refreshed head ready
to rock and start a new life full of changes and improvements. Courage:
Highly needed. Strenght and perseverance: Essencial. Sure of myself:
Never but still…doing my "thing"! Always…Never let fear stop you from
jumping into the sea. Feel afraid, that´s just human but don´t let
fear stop you from living…please! Sense of humour: Always there. A
MUST when you live in Egypt and work as an Oriental Dancer in this
present, crazy world.
Taught my last private lesson yesterday and, onde more, the question
of what´s most important in Oriental Dance came to my mind during the
class and analyzing the student´s difficulties…
You don´t just translate the music with your body and expression when
you dance but you transform it into visible life/material and add your
own world, talent, vision, personality and unique soul to it. It´s
never just a translation as I used to think so many times. I admit my
lack of sensibility or precision…definetely have to redefine all my
theories about art and dance…you live and learn, that´s for sure.
Thanks to my student who inspired me to have this vision of a what
Oriental dance really is about.
Catching an early flight tomorrow morning…direct flight to Cairo! Yes!
Happy to go back to the 5th dimension…too much waiting for me.Wish me
luck you all!
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